When we decided to get a dog, it was important for us to adopt. Since my sister volunteers at 2 shelters, we decided to look at both of them. She is the dog whisperer and if anyone can help us find the perfect family pet, it’s her. 

One Saturday morning, we hit one of her shelters. We zeroed in on an adorable black and white pitbull that was just 9 months old. We were told she wasn’t good with other dogs. What they should have told us is that she wanted to throat punch every dog in sight. When I hear someone isn’t good with other people, I just assume that they’re anti-social or take a while to warm up to others. I never think they want to murder other humans. 

We brought the pitbull home and lovingly named her after the lead character of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel- Maisel. We showered her with affection, gifts and ¾ of our king size bed. Fast forward 11 months later and we’re in the veterinarian office putting her down. She had attacked 4 dogs, a man’s hand and couldn’t decide if small children were a threat or not. We had tried everything with medication, a personal trainer, a Behaviorist and I would walk her with two leashes. 

My 16-year-old son didn’t care that we had to put her down. My 12-year-old son on the other hand was devastated. He was too young to remember our Chihuahua dying of natural causes four years prior so this was his first. Maisel was the first dog he ever bonded with and losing her was like losing a friend. 

Not that I could take his pain away, I found ways to help dull it while remembering the good times with Maisel. It wasn’t easy for him and truth be told, my husband and I were grieving too. Below are some ways I helped my son deal with the grief of losing his dog. 

Listening

There were times my son and I would just sit together and I would just listen to him. When he needed to cry, he cried. When he needed to be frustrated, I let him have at it. There was one time we went down to the basement, put boxing gloves on and just punched the bag until we released the extra heartache.

Checking In

Even though time had passed and time is a healer, I would check in every now and then with him. I would do this by recalling a sweet memory of Maisel and gauge his reaction. Sometimes this would lead to an additional discussion, sometimes I would get just a brief, “I’m cool”.

Reassurance

I think it’s important that children feel comfortable expressing their grief, no matter how much time has passed. One time a few months ago, a neighbor that had helped detach Maisel from the neck of the dog she was attacking, stopped over for a visit. He made some crappy comment about Maisel being better off dead and my 13-year-old heard it. On his way out, I asked if I could speak to him. I told him that if he ever said anything like that again, especially around my sons, that he would have to deal with me and that would not be fun for him.

Build a Pet Memorial

The veterinarian’s office was kind enough to send us a condolence card and seeds to plant a tree. We decided to plant the tree in the backyard and name it the Maisel Tree. It was a sweet, thoughtful gesture on the Vet’s part and I know my son was grateful too. Though I question if it is ever going to grow, he makes it a point to water it frequently.

Consult with a Specialist

We never had to see a Counselor as my son did begin to feel better after about a month. But if your child is struggling with the loss of a pet, there’s no harm in discussing this with a professional. If you can’t afford a Specialist, partner with your child’s school counselor. The added benefit is the counselor has direct contact with your child’s teachers and can keep an eye on behavior. 

Every child grieves differently. As parents, it’s our job to offer empathy, love and support to get them through this tough time. This won’t be their last loss in life but it can set the stage on how they deal with future losses.

By Angela Miconi

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