For about the first 12 years, I would plan huge birthday parties for my two sons, either at home or at a  location like laser tag. I’d never handwrite the invites but come up with themes and design cute  invitations. For my youngest, born in December, I decided to have a Winter “One-derland” as his first  birthday’s theme. Yes, I’m that obnoxious person.  

For my eldest son’s 5^th birthday, I decided to have a Barney theme. While surely Barney has been  replaced with an equally annoying character, that was one of the more popular characters at the time.  Personally, I would have chosen cocktails and hors d’oeuvres but who am I to impose a theme when it  isn’t my birthday?

Teaching School-Aged Children Manners

My 5-year-old had developed quiet a vocabulary and wasn’t afraid to voice his opinion. Like any child, he  would tell you how he honestly felt about a person or particular food he didn’t like. Side note, never ask  a 5-year-old if you look fat unless you’re prepared for the honest truth. 

We want to teach our kids manners and respect from an early age. As a civil society, that’s what we do.  With an approaching birthday party, I felt that was the perfect time to teach appreciation and gratitude.  And selfishly, I didn’t want to be embarrassed. This wasn’t the age where you just dropped the kids off  yet so all the parents would be in attendance too. 

The Manners Talk with My Son

One day, as Parker sat painting a picture at the kitchen table, I came in and sat down next to him. He  had his little Crayola crayons scattered about and looked to be drawing a car.  

“Parker honey,” I began. “Your party is in a few days and I need to teach you something.” He looked up  to acknowledge me. 

“There’s going to be a lot of people at your birthday party. They’ve worked very hard to pick out  something special for you.”  

“I know that mommy,” he said.  

“I know you do baby but here’s the thing,” I leaned down. “They may pick out something you already  have or something you don’t like.”  

I could see his wheels turning in his head. It was almost as if he was pondering the concept of getting a  less than stellar toy.  

“If you get something you already have, we can easily return it.” I tried to sweeten the deal. “It’s almost  more fun that way because then we can go the next day and you can pick out something you really  want.”  

He smiled at this idea and responded with a simple, “ok.” 

“But there’s one more thing. If you don’t like a toy someone gives you, just pretend you like it. Just say  thank you and we’ll go the next day to exchange it. If we tell someone we don’t like their gift, it might  hurt their feelings.” 

The Birthday Party 

The birthday party day was here! I had decorated the house, set up the cake and had a goodie bag for  each child. One by one, little 5-year-olds marched in with their parent, beaming and excited for the  afternoon. I thought I had successfully coached Parker on how to graciously accept gifts and I was  feeling pretty good about the day. 

After all the children were bouncing off the walls from the sugar of candy and cake, I thought it would  be a good idea to ask all of them to sit quietly and watch their friend open gifts. Now that I look back on  it, it’s a dumb concept to ask sugared-up children to sit quietly for any length of time.  

One by one, he unwrapped gifts and opened cards. Anytime he would forget to say thank you, I would  promptly remind him to do so. As he opened the last gift, I internally gasped. It was the one gift that he  hates to get. As a child, I hated getting this gift. It was a coloring book.  

To my surprise, Parker just smiled at it. Maybe things were going to be ok. He looked at me and with a  grin announced to all the parents and children, “mommy, I’m going to pretend I like this.”  

I couldn’t argue. Technically he had done exactly what I had asked of him. I looked at the mother that  had bought the gift in horror. She didn’t seem pleased. I was embarrassed and tried to smooth things  out by explaining all the benefits of a Dora the Explorer coloring book. I made him thank the little girl  who had given him the gift and gave a weak smile to the mom.  

When I look back, I just smile and shake my head at the memory. As parents, all we can do is try and  realize things don’t always go as planned. Manners are like all other teachable moments. They won’t  always get it right but more times than not, they will. Don’t give up! 

By Angela Miconi

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